Hi, I’m Craig Kendall, the author of The Asperger’s Syndrome Survival Guide. In today’s issue we will discuss…
Asperger’s Syndrome in Adults –
More Tips Regarding Adults with Asperger’s Syndrome
There are many things that one needs to know regarding Aspergers Syndrome in adults in order to have a successful living situation when an adult with Asperger’s Syndrome is in your life. Here are a few more tips. This is Part 3 of Asperger’s Syndrome in Adults-
Living with Your Adult Child. Click for Part 1 and Part 2.
Balance Between Independence and House Rules
For those adult children who are able to be mobile and do engage in activities outside the house, some parents are left with a quandary. How much to let their kids run free, and how much to rein them in? Tensions can build, as these young adults with Asperger’s Syndrome now feel that they have a right to their own life and independence, while parents still feel they have the right to monitor and restrict them as long as they are living under their roof.
If you can, the best way is to apply only the broadest of rules to the situation. Have a curfew, but try to make it relatively late and allow special exceptions when permission is asked in advance. Casually ask about plans, but don’t require your kids to call you 5 times a day to tell you where they are.
Your young adult with Asperger’s Syndrome needs to find out what they are and aren’t capable of, and they need to figure it out on their own. Your hovering is only going to strain the relationship, and prevent them from being likely to come to you when they really do need you.
Encouraging Independence When That is an Option
Only you and your young adult with Asperger’s Syndrome can determine when they are ready for independence, ready to move out. But when that time comes, try not to put it off for too long. Living on their own can teach a person so much, and help them grow immeasurably. Often, you will come to a point where the adult with Asperger’s is just stagnating at home. They are doing nothing more than surviving. You are doing nothing more than tension control. You both feel at your wit’s end. What’s the solution? Find a way to give your young adult more power in their life.
Living on Their Own
A young adult with Asperger’s Syndrome may not have the money to move out, depending on their work and financial situation. But does that mean you should just wait until the universe finally smiles down upon your child and they are financially stable? No.
Some parents are afraid to help their kids out financially even if they’re able to. They are afraid to set up a pattern of dependency, and they want their adult with Asperger’s Syndrome to have the feeling of having succeeded on their own. But that isn’t always possible, and the lost time for growth, as well as the stagnancy and depression that often accompany it, aren’t worth it.
Financial Arrangements for Housing
Adults with Asperger’s Syndrome can often find a roommate situation for relatively cheap if there isn’t enough money for them to live totally on their own. Also you can even start by saying that you’ll pay for their rent for 6 months, but they have to be financially self-sufficient by that time (if you think they are capable of it) or they will have to leave. Or they have to pay X amount, etc.
This way, they will be working towards a goal in an environment that makes more sense for them. Some “life lessons” just don’t make sense until you start living life. Sometimes, this might not be financially possible for you, and that is perfectly acceptable. But withholding this kind of help for the sake of withholding it is not an option that often makes sense for adults with Asperger’s Syndrome.
There are many components that go into helping your young adult with Asperger’s Syndrome succeed in the world. Of course you want to do your very best by them, but you don’t always know what that is. Or you may have limited resources. Hopefully, some of these tips have helped you to move in that direction of being able to help in these situations that involve Asperger’s in adults.
For more resources regarding Aspergers in adults see the books Thriving in Adulthood with Asperger’s Syndrome and Asperger’s Syndrome Guide for Teens and Young Adults
Also check out Craig Kendall’s latest book, New Hope for Autism