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Hi, I’m Craig Kendall, the author of The Asperger’s Syndrome Survival Guide. In today’s issue we will discuss…

Asperger’s Syndrome in Adults –
More Tips Regarding Adults with Asperger’s Syndrome

There are many things that one needs to know regarding Aspergers Syndrome in adults in order to have a successful living situation when an adult with Asperger’s Syndrome is in your life. Here are a few more tips. This is Part 3 of Asperger’s Syndrome in Adults-
Living with Your Adult Child.  Click for Part 1 and Part 2.

Balance Between Independence and House Rules

For those adult children who are able to be mobile and do engage in activities outside the house, some parents are left with a quandary. How much to let their kids run free, and how much to rein them in? Tensions can build, as these young adults with Asperger’s Syndrome now feel that they have a right to their own life and independence, while parents still feel they have the right to monitor and restrict them as long as they are living under their roof.

If you can, the best way is to apply only the broadest of rules to the situation. Have a curfew, but try to make it relatively late and allow special exceptions when permission is asked in advance. Casually ask about plans, but don’t require your kids to call you 5 times a day to tell you where they are.

Your young adult with Asperger’s Syndrome needs to find out what they are and aren’t capable of, and they need to figure it out on their own. Your hovering is only going to strain the relationship, and prevent them from being likely to come to you when they really do need you.

Encouraging Independence When That is an Option

Only you and your young adult with Asperger’s Syndrome can determine when they are ready for independence, ready to move out. But when that time comes, try not to put it off for too long. Living on their own can teach a person so much, and help them grow immeasurably. Often, you will come to a point where the adult with Asperger’s is just stagnating at home. They are doing nothing more than surviving. You are doing nothing more than tension control. You both feel at your wit’s end. What’s the solution? Find a way to give your young adult more power in their life.

Living on Their Own

A young adult with Asperger’s Syndrome may not have the money to move out, depending on their work and financial situation. But does that mean you should just wait until the universe finally smiles down upon your child and they are financially stable? No.

Some parents are afraid to help their kids out financially even if they’re able to. They are afraid to set up a pattern of dependency, and they want their adult with Asperger’s Syndrome to have the feeling of having succeeded on their own. But that isn’t always possible, and the lost time for growth, as well as the stagnancy and depression that often accompany it, aren’t worth it.

Financial Arrangements for Housing

Adults with Asperger’s Syndrome can often find a roommate situation for relatively cheap if there isn’t enough money for them to live totally on their own. Also you can even start by saying that you’ll pay for their rent for 6 months, but they have to be financially self-sufficient by that time (if you think they are capable of it) or they will have to leave. Or they have to pay X amount, etc.

This way, they will be working towards a goal in an environment that makes more sense for them. Some “life lessons” just don’t make sense until you start living life. Sometimes, this might not be financially possible for you, and that is perfectly acceptable. But withholding this kind of help for the sake of withholding it is not an option that often makes sense for adults with Asperger’s Syndrome.

There are many components that go into helping your young adult with Asperger’s Syndrome succeed in the world. Of course you want to do your very best by them, but you don’t always know what that is. Or you may have limited resources. Hopefully, some of these tips have helped you to move in that direction of being able to help in these situations that involve Asperger’s in adults.

For more resources regarding Aspergers in adults see the books Thriving in Adulthood with Asperger’s Syndrome and Asperger’s Syndrome Guide for Teens and Young Adults

Also check out Craig Kendall’s latest book, New Hope for Autism

16 Responses to Asperger’s Syndrome in Adults–More Tips Regarding Adults with Asperger’s Syndrome-118

  1. Dian says:

    How can I get my 25 year son diagnos with this sydrome, he’s old he’s able to hold a job, but he is challenged daily and often cut down by others, he scares me because of his frustration that builds up at times, but he has a problem and i dont know where to take him. he doesn’t have insurance and I cant speak for him anymore, he’s lonely.

    • Susan says:

      Go to the county health clinic in your area. They can give him a assessment. You could see a reg. Doctor who can help get the aspergers assessment going. You could also go to county mental health and they should be able to get assessment going. The county charges a sliding scale depending on income. If income is really low it would be free for assessment. Let me know how it goes. God bless susan

  2. Gloria Doe says:

    My adult daughter(46) who has aspgergers has her own apartment. It is very secure and her place it lovely!! It is for Seniors and people with disabilities. She pays for her own rent and cable and the housing pays for the gas – which would be her heat, she pays for her electricity and food also. She has this apartment for about seven years and purchased all her furniture for it…but she does not like staying there. She would rather live home. She is very capable of handling her bills, cooking and cleaning but the only problem she has is making friends and getting along with others. She tends to need help with social skills and anger management. When she was younger she was not diagnosed with aspergers until she was well into her adult years. When I try to look for help, such as a counselor for anger management and social skills in my area it is like looking for a needle in a haystack. This is so important for us to get her the right help so that when we are no longer here she will be on her own being that she is an only child and if anything should go wrong we would not be here for her. Do you know of any counselors in the Bergen County Area of New Jersey that could help us. Thank you for listening and I hope and pray this could lead to some help for our family.

    • Magicfingas says:

      You sound exactly like my parents… word for word, except that I don’t want to move back home. I’m 51 and was FINALLY diagnosed 5 years ago. Then got disability. I’m on a waiting list for one of those apartments that your daughter lives in… and there is NO help for social skills here either. I have to find help online.

    • Susan says:

      I live in Oregon in a county that didn’t really have anyone with enough experience working with social skills for aspergers people. I had to help my son find a social skills councilor/ psychologist that is 2 hours away. He drives to see him every other week for 1 1/2 hours. There is anaspergers social group in that area also. I had to go on line and look up councilors in big cities near us. I googled councilors in (. ). That work with aspergers. Doc is helping my son with social issues.

  3. Thank you for this enlightening article.. I am trying not to be hovercraft!!

  4. Mary Addams says:

    I found an inexpensive, nice, safe place for my son to live when he graduated from high school. It’s an apartment building operated by St. Vincent de Paul for low income people. He pays $400/mo for a 1 BR apt., and he shares it with a roommate who uses part of the living room for his sleeping area. They share expenses. When my son was living with me, he was driving me crazy, so I needed to find a place for him. He was starting college and it was a good time for him to move out. Getting his own apartment has matured him so much!! I pay for his living expenses because he can’t work and go to school at the same time–he’s just not capable of that yet. Before he got the roommate, I would go over there (I would call first and make sure it was ok) and help him clean the apt.-dishes, etc. He has become so independent now, and is almost finished with his associates degree. The changes in him are remarkable. He realizes if he doesn’t go food shopping, he won’t have anything to eat, and if he runs out of toilet paper, he has to go buy some more.
    Now the next thing is to get a job! Another challenge, but living on his own has also made him more confident in himself, and he has developed some friendships.

    • Craig Kendall - Author says:

      Good luck with your son getting a job. That is often a challenge. Remember two things: 1) Getting a job and 2) Keeping a job.
      To GET a job he needs to master the skills of the interview — looking at the interviewer, not bad-mouthing old employers, keeping answers short and to the point, etc. To KEEP a job requires mastering how to ensure he communicates with his boss so that there are few miscommunications. See Eight Tips for Employment and Job Success for Those with Autism / Asperger’s Syndrome.

    • Susan says:

      My son is in a similar situation and it has been great to watch him grow up to be so independent. If your son has a medical diagnosis of aspergers/ p.d.d. He can get free legal support on finding and keeping a job with the people with dissabilities act. Look for office in your area or surrounding area. This has helped my son.

  5. Judy says:

    Thank you for this series of Helping Adult Aspergers kids live on their own. This time in my son’s life is so exciting for him and I must admit a little scary for me, His dad was the one who really took the step in finding the house we bough. He will have two roommates, one with aspberg’s and one without.

    We feel this will make a good group of guys who are all starting out for the first time. Thank God we are able to do this financially for our son. Your guidance and support are greatly appreciated.

    Thank you and God bless, Craig,

    Judy

  6. Marion Wright, OCT says:

    Brilliant!

    Thank you.

    Marion Wright, OCT

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