I spoke with the mother of a 16-year old boy with Aspergers.
He was shot 5 times by a policeman in his high school
and died. I have permission from Karen to share the email she sent to me.
Date: October 23, 2009
Subject: Our son, Trevor Varinecz
Hi Craig,
I wanted you to know about a situation involving an Aspie child that occurred last Friday.
Our 16-year-old son, Trevor, was shot five times by a School Resource Officer, a police
officer assigned to Carolina Forest High School, where he was in 11th grade. According to
media reports, a tussle ensued in the officer's 6' x 6' foot office before classes started.
The officer had puncture wounds on his back, but Trevor was dead.
The South Carolina State Law Enforcement Division has not released any information to us.
However, we believe he was asking for assistance
from bullying, and had carried a knife into school for protection. He had no prior
relationship with this officer and no history of discipline or violence. He was doing so
well, making A's and B's, that his shadow was being faded out. Many students came to his
funeral services and handed us letters about the bullying that he was enduring. Trevor had
never told us about this. We think he was trying to handle it like an independent grownup,
which he was trying to become.
Police claim suicide, mom disagrees.
Why won't the police investigate charges of bullying?
Is there a cover up? What is the school
trying to hide?
Click here to hear this exclusive
interview:
In an exclusive interview I had with
Karen Varinecz on Dec. 15, she claims that the school had been pulling back Trevor's
resources and she believes that her son was seeking help from continuing bullying when
he approached police on the day he died. But the police
refuse to
investigate the claims of bullying. Apparently the entire school was aware of the
relentless bullying that her son endured -- but she was never informed.
Note that in the following news coverage
there is NO mention of bullying AT ALL! WHY?
Is Your Child Being Bullied and You Don't Even Know?
One part of life that many people with Aspergers frequently run into, especially in school,
is bullying. It is an unfortunate truth that people who are different are going to get noticed
in a not so good way by their peers more often than we would like.
Bullying is very prevalent in middle and high schools today.
It is estimated that 90% of kids with Aspergers will be
bullied.
The teenager with Aspergers is particularly prone to bullying issues because:
Their social naivety and their lack of knowledge of
social rules and skills set them apart.
They stand out more because they don't know how to blend
in.
Subtle social nuances are lost on them.
They might not know how to dress to fit in, or may not
want to.
Their voice may be a bit too high, their tone of voice
flat, their volume too loud, their word choice a bit off - the smallest of things can
set them apart and make them a target for bullies.
This can lead to self esteem issues, depression, school anxiety, lack of focus in class, and
it can raise other serious issues.
Aspies Often do NOT Know How to Stop Bullying
It is important to be aware of the different types of
bullying that can happen, how to recognize them, and what to do to stop them. It is
important to support the victim of bullying; to tell them that the bullying is not their fault;
to show them they do have value and teach them self respect.
Teachers should be aware of bullying going on in their classrooms and intervene if needed
because teens with AS often will not know what to do to stop the bullying and will be afraid
or not know how to ask for help.
The Effects of Bullying
Bullying can have disastrous effects on both the bully and the victim.
Kids who bully others are much more likely to become criminals later on in life and get into
trouble with the law when they get older. Teens who are bullied are much more likely to
become depressed and even suicidal. They lose self-esteem and their schoolwork often
suffers.
One study done in England found that out of 1800 people between the ages of 11 and 18
surveyed, 60% reported having been bullied at one time or another. So bullying is a very
prevalent problem.
Is Your Child Being Bullied?
If you have a loved one with Aspergers, it is a near certainty that he or she has been
bullied or will be. But most Aspies will not seek help. You must speak with your loved one to
find out if they are being tormented by bullies. Many teens are either afraid or too embarrassed
to tell their parents or ask for help. If bullying is
not stopped, the results can be catastrophic as was the case with Trevor Varinecz.
Statistics on School Bullying
BeatBullying.org reports
that:
10% were bullied for more than a year
16% were bullied everyday
5% were bullied 2 or 3 times a week
Of those young people being bullied:
9% report having suicidal thoughts
12% admit to having self-harmed
5% said that being bullied "made them run away from home
or want to run away"
1% admitted taking drugs to try and feel better
2% admitted drinking alcohol in order to feel better
(Beatbullying’s Policy and Research team, 2007)
How Do You Prevent Bullying?
Since bullying is such a big problem for teens with Aspergers, what can we do to protect them
and to stop it? There are several programs that innovative school districts have initiated, and
much research has been done on the topic of what are the most important components of a
successful bullying prevention program. The following are some of the most successful elements.
1. Change the school climate
2. Assess the level of bullying at your school
3. Get parents involved
4. Train staff in bullying prevention, and develop clear policies
5. Increase adult supervision in areas where bullying occurs the most
6. Incorporate bullying prevention themes into the classroom
These issues are covered in great detail in my books, The Asperger's Syndrome
Survival Guide and the Asperger's Syndrome Guide for Teens and Young Adults.
Note: my newly released book on Aspergers for Teens and Young Adults discusses bullying, anxiety, depression and what to do about it. Click here for more information:
Note: my newly released book on Aspergers for Adults discusses
how to make and keep friends, building relationships, employment, depression and the meaning of
life, therapy options and much more. Click here for more information:
This is just a small part of the answers you will need to successfully survive and thrive with
Aspergers. If you are looking for additional information immediately, go to the following site:
www.AspergersSociety.org.
For additional information on Asperger's Syndrome go to the web site
www.AspergersSociety.org. There you will
be able to sign up for the free Aspergers newsletter as well as get additional information on the
book, The Asperger's Syndrome Survival Guide.
Craig Kendall is the father of an Asperger's child and the author of "The Asperger's Syndrome Survival
Guide". You can find more information about living with Asperger's Syndrome by contacting him on
this site: www.AspergersSociety.org
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