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Volume 5

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Hi, I'm Craig Kendall, the author of The Asperger's Syndrome Survival Guide. In today's newsletter we are going to answer the question ...

How can I stop meltdowns when routines change?


People with Asperger's syndrome need to have a routine and need to know what is going to happen next at all times. Routine is stabilizing and essential to people with Aspergers; they get very anxious when they are not prepared for what will happen.

Having a routine and predictability helps those with Aspergers feel safe. Whether you're meeting someone with Aspergers for the first time or trying to figure out how to best help a loved one, creating a routine, using explicit, literal, verbal language to communicate, being aware of sensory issues and trying to minimize them as much as possible, and having lots of love and understanding will go a long way to helping people with Asperger's navigate the world.


What are some things a parent can do to help?

The most important thing is to be consistent. Everyone (but especially kids) with Asperger's thrive on routine.

Everything needs to be done at the same time, in the same way, every day, as much as possible, to give a sense of safety and security. When there will be a change in routine, tell your loved one as far in advance and explain what will happen.

When you talk to your loved one with Aspergers, you should use a calm and even tone of voice, and use explicit language that says exactly what you mean.

Do not make requests too complicated or ask an Aspie to do things with too many steps at once. Try to keep your language as literal as possible.

Try to be very verbal. If your child does something right, praise them for it.  But this advice is definitely not just for children.

I received this email from an adult which describes how he feels when things get complicated and he begins to meltdown...

An Aspie is like a juggler who can keep one ball in the air at a time, but struggles with more than one. Right now I am battling with four or five balls (problems) that just do not seem to get resolved and at times, like today, and my mind is on overload and cannot cope - it just goes blank, I forget things, lose things, which are uncharacteristic. Can you recommend anything to help me, please?


If your loved one has a meltdown, the most important thing to remember when dealing with these situations is to try to figure out what caused them. Your loved one is not doing this to intentionally annoy you; he is doing it because he has reached his limit of tolerance in whatever he is dealing with. If you feel his meltdown was caused by a change in routine, reassure him of the routine for the rest of the day and that the routine will not change the next day, if that is the case.


In the research I conducted for my book, The Asperger's Syndrome Survival Guide, I interviewed hundreds of parents. The following are specific actions that parents of Aspergers kids told me helps minimize or reduce the likelihood of meltdowns.

"We try not to change any thing around him. I try to be with him as much as possible."

"Keeping on a strict schedule and explaining if something will be different, aside from the normal routine."

"We have added visual cues where possible we try not to stray from routine, even when something exciting is happening we created 'retreats' where our son can go to calm down."

"I try to keep some kind of structure. Any change in his routine, will result in a meltdown - from his morning routine all the way to his bedtime."

"We provide warnings (30 minute, 10 minute, 5, etc.) when we know a transition is approaching. We have ‘do overs’ as an opportunity to ‘go back in time’ and make things the way she likes them. We don't raise our voice with her because that causes her to become highly agitated. Instead, we try to be silly and cajole her into calming down."

"We have tried to ‘slow down’ and work around his temperament. We no longer ‘rush’ to do things and try to allow plenty of time because we found that by telling him we were ‘running late’ it only caused him to get more upset. We have tried to cut down/eliminate those items that we know send him on ‘sensory overload.’ We have altered his diet and we are still working at how to lessen/shorten the melt downs as well as what other things trigger them."

"Making changes would be the wrong thing to do in Saira's case. We have had the same routine since she was 2 and any change would pretty much destroy her perfect world."

"we tend to follow the same routine, or sequence of activities, we have to be careful about transitions, make sure that preferred foods are available, he needs very close following to see that homework and other non preferred activities are completed well so use picture schedules at times"

Click to hear how Craig's book helped Amanda's son



My son is 12 and a half. Before the book, he would have anger and aggression issues. He would go into his own world and block everyone completely out. He would not listen. He would stare completely right through you as if you were not even there. He would freak out and basically have like a temper tantrum. It was a severe temper tantrum like you were dealing with a two year old--like a terrible twos.

You can't go to restaurants. You can't go to the grocery store. You can't go to the movies. You are afraid to go to family functions. You're actually afraid to go anywhere. You get constant phone calls from the school because he is labeled as a "problem child." That has been my son all of his life.

After the book he no longer has any meltdowns. I immediately started implementing things and the way that I handled things and I started focusing on all of the positives in his life. The Asperger's Syndrome Survival Guide helped establish the understanding of what my son goes through--how he sees the world--because I had absolutely no clue. Then around family he is fine because now the family understands because I have explained the situation with them.

The greatest thing that I got out of The Asperger's Syndrome Survival Guide would be his [Craig Kendall's] detailed solutions on how to cope with Asperger's, the way he puts it into laymen's terms and understanding how my son sees the world by giving examples. And I think it helped that he has a child with Asperger's as well. And the information on support groups.


These are just a few of the answers you will need to successfully survive and thrive with Aspergers. If you are looking for additional answers immediately, go to the following site:


Hear Craig's Latest Radio Interviews

Click Here

Note: my newly released book on Aspergers for Teens and Young Adults discusses bullying, anxiety, depression and what to do about it. Click here for more information:


Note: my newly released book on Aspergers for Adults discusses how to make and keep friends, building relationships, employment, depression and the meaning of life, therapy options and much more. Click here for more information:

Some of the many questions we will be covering in future issues include ...

  • How do I help my child understand subtle speech patterns like sarcasm?

  • What steps should I take to see if I or my loved one has Aspergers?

  • Why does it often take years to diagnose Asperger’s Syndrome?

  • How can I get a diagnosis of Aspergers for an Adult?

  • How can I be certain that that my loved one has Aspergers and not some other condition?

  • What are the most effective ways to treat Aspergers?

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For immediate information on Asperger's Syndrome go to the web site There you will be able to sign up for the free Aspergers newsletter as well as get additional information on the best selling book, The Asperger's Syndrome Survival Guide.

Craig Kendall is the father of an Asperger's child and the author of "The Asperger's Syndrome Survival Guide". You can find more information about living with Asperger's Syndrome by contacting him on this site:


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Thank you,

Craig Kendall, Author